A letter to my younger self

Don’t fool yourself with the idea that you would be free when you grow up. There will be people, at all times, claiming a piece of your freedom. You will soon realise that, in a world that is so intricately woven with pleasure and pain, there will be plenty of imposters who will drug you with their share of pain. Over time, you will acquire a taste for toxicity. And then comes a stage where the last drop of rebellion silently leaves your body. That is the point where you will find yourself gripped in fear, trapped within the chambers of your own mind, doubting your own sense of judgment. It will take a lightyear before you return to your own sound mind and own your life. So, my dear, save yourself the agony. Remind yourself, every single day, that you were born a free-spirit and so shall you leave this world. And everything else that happens in between is a ploy, you, inadvertently admit yourself into. Freedom comes with a price. Pay no heed to the unkind voices that hold you from being who you were meant to be. Don’t you see that’s quite an affordable option? Learn to fill your own cup. Carefully let people into your boat; just the ones noble enough to not wreck your balance.

Don’t fool yourself into that shiny little thing called love. It will tiptoe graciously into your heart, embrace you with warmth and shiver in equal proportions, sweep you off your feet, your mind, your voice, your reason, your sense of self, all in a heartbeat. What, then, are you left with? Your raging hormones will crave for this drug, all the time. You think you will tread very cautiously. By now, you know the drill just too well. You will smartly mend the broken pieces of your heart, lacquer it with some gold to hide your cracks, and be a ‘Kintsugi’ in your next relationship. Dangerously beautiful on the outside, but brittle as a bone beneath the plastered surface that can be shred to pieces by a small hint of wind. So, my dear, love freely, if you must. But don’t mindlessly give into it. Between an enchanting waterfall and a placid lake, choose the latter. Seek long lasting serenity over a cursory thrill. There is a reason the head was placed higher than the heart!

Don’t fool yourself into a sense of permanence. Neither of your own, nor the one’s around you. You will want to hoard everything from dresses to books to relationships and yet struggle with an emptiness that springs at the slightest hint of scarcity. Am I good enough? Am I wise enough? Am I loved enough? The voices will continue to lurk, presenting themselves, often, even after you drown yourself in endless exuberance. It takes a great deal of tragedy to understand abundance in the real sense of it. Strangely, once you learn to embrace the universe within you, you will need very little from the external world. Memories can no longer haunt you. Desires will fail to enthral you. For better or for worse, you will start living everyday like it were your last. It is in that moment, you will find the courage to let go, every hurt you caused yourself and to the people around you. You will then understand the fluidity of one’s ephemeral existence and be guided by the universe that holds many a secrets, cardinal and rare. So, remember often my dear, every life comes with an expiry date. But, more importantly, remember, this life might not be your first or even the last. Fasten your seat belt and enjoy the free flow within and between worlds!

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